Last night I watched a movie on Lifetime (I know Lifetime right?) called Prayers for Bobby. It was based on a real life story about a boy who came out to his family, who were fundamentalist Christian. He eventually killed himself because he couldn't take it anymore. There was a scene in the movie where the mom eventually comes around after his death and she goes to this pastor/reverend at a liberal minded church. She starts crying and blaming herself because she knew now that nothing was wrong with him because God made him that way. And she blames herself and she knows she was the one who killed him. And the priest says that Bobby killed himself, not her. Then he says her:
"God has already forgiven you. When will you forgive yourself?"
It was a powerful moment that came back to me this morning in church while we sang the chorus of this song:
Lift high your chains undone
All rise, exalt the Son
Jesus Christ the Holy One
We lift our eyes to you
My problem is not God and his unapproving gaze resting on this sinner. That is a god of my own making, an unfortunate reflection of my own father. It's my unforgiving self judging all that I have done, all that I have thought, all that I lack. God's love is free.
And with that I will leave you a bit of silliness: