30 November 2008

Gerard Manley Hopkins

Trees by their yield
Are known; but I --
My sap is sealed,
My root is dry.
If life within
I none can shew
(Except for sin),
Nor fruit above, --
It must be so --
I do not love.

Will no one show
I argued ill?
Because, although
Self-sentenced, still
I keep my trust.
If He would prove
And search me through
Would He not find and
(What yet there must
Be hid behind


...it's just easier to answer "fine" " alright" "pretty good" "OK"

but sometimes it's really hard to say those words. Especially when you give that answer to the people you want to talk to the most. But they're so far away, that sometimes you just wonder: What's the point?

I've been "fine" " alright" "pretty good" "OK" for a couple of months now. I was doing really really well, actually, before September 12th.

A couple days ago I was listening to a playlist on my iPod. Tyrone Wells' song "What Are We Fighting For?" came on. There's a refrain near the end of the song that goes like this:
"I have a dream
One day we'll see
All men be free
I still believe"

I teared up with those words. Because they were words of hope, instead of "don't do this, don't act like this, this is wrong, this is right." It reminded me of who I really am and not this shell of a person who's living this life that I have.

27 November 2008

here I am, save me

I think that Westmont should have one more GE requirement. Yes, I do mean one more.

It should be a class you take your final semester. It should be something about transitions and changes. It should be about how to deal with leaving the comforting community that Westmont gives you. It should be about how to process everything you've learned and not lose what you love. It would be a seminar, guided by the group dynamic more than a set curriculum.

Except, it would probably never work. Because then Westmont would be babysitting the students too much.

I just wish that I had some sort of skills to figure out why this transition period of my life is the way it is.

Thanksgiving. Today, I feel thankful for the rain.

11 November 2008

bloggy mcbloggerton the third

This last week I went to Santa Barbara for a few days to do some work on my show. I drove home around noon. There's a stretch of the 101 South that goes right along the water's edge. It's so close that when the wind is right, the waves splash a mist across the windshield. With clear skies and the sun high, the ocean was bluer than bluer and it sparkled like there were a billion diamonds floating on top of the water. It's moments like those that I really miss living near the ocean.

I spent about three hours on Olivia's dress today. Yesterday I spent probably just as many hours measuring and cutting and making sure it was just right. As I was putting it all together today, I realized I probably made it too big. Better to be too big than too small right? Because then you don't have to take the scissors to it while the actor is wearing it...like you do...
no, no of course not! I have never done that before!!

And here I am resorting to talking to myself. On a blog. sigh

All I can say is that it's going to be one hellava tech week next week. I have so much to do. Oh, and my back. I did something work to it at work last week and now it is painful to sit, stand, and walk.

This evening, I also spent some time with my grandmother, setting up her new DSL internet and showing her how to use a computer. I found it fascinating to see this beloved 81 year old spunky woman try to remember how to type. One of her many jobs over her lifetime was some secretarial work, yet she had to reintroduce herself to Qwerty. "Golly!" she said, "they've got everything here!" Yes, Grandma, they have everything and more on the internets. More than you could imagine. Drunk squirrels, Billy Graham, Charlie bit me, WebMD, and even Barack Roll'd.

Prince's song "Kiss" is really fantastic. I hate 80's music, but I really love this song.

I miss my friends.

03 November 2008

yet again

I was checking out one of my favorite websites: personalitypage.com and stumbled across something I hadn't seen before! A kid's section. I am very excited about this because when I looked at my type's child version, the EFJ, I read through the strengths and weaknesses and it basically told me exactly what I was like as a kid. Every single description was spot on. This only makes me love MBTI even more. I find personality psychology to be one of the most fascinating things.

Something I've been wanting to look more into is MBTI across cultures. Is MBTI still applicable in a non-Western society?

You know, I should blog about MBTI more often. I don't talk about it as often as I think about it because I'm never sure how interested other people are on this subject, but there's really no one to object when it's on the internet and not very many people know this blog exists in the first place.

I spent a couple hours at Coffee Bean today and I have this crazy surge of energy because I haven't had caffeine in at least 3 weeks and I had a tea latte.

There was this guy who called the house urging me to vote for McCain. I told him I already sent in my absentee ballot and that I voted for Obama. He asked me why and we spent the next 5-10 minutes debating it. He was surprised when I said "yes" to his question of "are you a born-again Christian?" Honestly, I didn't want to say yes because I don't like that phrase of "born-again Christian." It's too loaded.