25 October 2008



"Examples of work in theatre and/or film such as sketches, models, photographs of models, production photographs, rough sketches, light plots, blue prints of drafting, etc. (no slides or CDs, please). These do not have to be from realized production work.

Applicants in the area of costume design must include sketches for at least one script (15 minimum), including research, fabric swatches, and detail drawings, as well as five examples of figure drawing.

Include samples of your art work, such as drawings, paintings, models, sculptures, etc., or photographs of such art work (no slides or CDs, please)."

wtf is that supposed to mean?
15 minimum? Is that 15 sketches and only 5 designs? Do they want the full research to production photos lineup? So how much is supposed to be just prep work designing and fully realized? WHAT'S GOING ON??

21 October 2008

i love swing dancing

moving forward or returning to the old?

Confession: I've been masquerading for quite some time now. As much as I've tried to deny it, I am a complete hopeless romantic.

As much as I've had to say against the institution of marriage, as much as I point out gender politics in pretty much every situation I see, as much as I've told people that I don't hope for marriage because who can even predict what the future is, I'm a hopeless romantic.

The thing I want most in life is to be loved. I've come to terms with this instead of fighting it. The thing that helped me come to terms with this was, ironically, a personality typing system known as an Enneagram. It had this list of things like best characteristics, worst characteristics, what the type wants in life, etc. It said my greatest desire in life was to be loved. It took some thinking, but I have to admit it's true. I base almost all of my decisions on the people around me or ones that I hope to keep near me.

This summer one of my friends pointed out to me that if I am ever misinterpreted as "intimidating" by men it is because I have a "poise" and a "formalism" to my behavior. I've also gained a nickname-like description of "fierce" by another one of my friends as in the definition by UrbanDictionay.com of "being bold, displaying chutzpah, especially relating to fashion, clothes, hair or makeup."

Such assessments, especially the one about poise and formality, have stuck with me. I don't think they are necessarily faults, but what catches me is that it's helpful to explain why I have the relationships I do.

And then there's always the situation with my dad. Any contact with him has the chance to throw my ideas and emotions around like getting tossed on the sea in a hurricane. My emotions have a tendency to be rather violent. When I say "violent," I mean in the old school definition of being very strong and passionate, not in the dangerous sense of the word. Though I suppose they can be dangerous to my own peace of mind. My constant struggle is wanting to give in to my emotions and let them out and show the world who I truly am. But, that would make things incredibly awkward for other people. So I don't. They stir and brew until they simmer down or until they boil over, ready to explode.

The most dangerous part is when the emotions give way to thoughts that use the words:
"I wish..."
"If only...."

19 October 2008


Chicago is an amazing city filled with people and life! My desire to attend Northwestern University increased greatly after visiting the city, not because I was able to see the school but because I completely fell in love with the city. Whether I was by myself or with Matt and Daniel, I was having fun, discovering new things, enjoying all that the city had to offer. Rain or shine.

The art museum was very fun. It's large and contains much variety. Many exhibits were closed for renovation, but I still got the chance to see Nighthawks, Sunday in the Park, and American Gothic. Renoir was not on display, but there was one painting by Rosetti. I love art. There's something about the practice of something so diligent. Discovering new realities in a paintbrush and sharing them with people. A chisel mark here or there in a piece of rock can become something beautiful. Something that triggers ideas and emotions in your soul that you didn't know existed. Or maybe you knew they existed, but they only like to show themselves on special occasions.

Millenium Park is full of mystery and wonder. The sculpture make you look at the world differently. Fran Gehry masters the view, faces spout water, people take pictures. The rain came down that day, but it was beautiful. Rain can be quite beautiful. Light refracted through water droplets.

Adventure. An adventure has never ceased to be had in the great city of Chicago. Google Maps Transit helps. I found my hostel and checked in within half an hour with only Google and an address. Even though it was a little stressful, it was full of adventure and great fun.

The morning brought the Zoo. And with the Zoo was a tiger. You know, there are some moments in life where you feel more connected with the greater things, the meta-things, and watching that tiger was one of those moments for me. Strength, beauty, gentleness, mystery, magic, life. Tigers are beautiful creatures. They look like the same cats that stay indoors and nuzzle your neck and attack pieces of strings, but the sheer size difference is astounding.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a tiger handler. I had forgotten about that little piece of myself for years until that moment. I remember watching this show on TV when I was a kid about tiger handlers who raised little tiger kittens from the time they were born. And when they were grown, they were like best friends across species. They would run and play and tackle each other. I wanted to be that.

Matt and Katrina came to the city. We wandered and snarked and beached and drinked. The gorgeous views on a sunny day in Chicago from the Hancock Observatory's Signature Lounge. The couple making out on the shore of Lake Michigan. Trying on clothes at H&M. Then Jeff's apartment, Chicago-style pizza, a little bit of The Office, D-Ian at O'Hare, and the Green Mill.

The Green Mill Lounge. Started in 1907, it became Al Capone's territory in the 20's. Booze and jazz, hmmmm. I got the chance to dance with Jeff, Matt and Daniel, which made me incredibly happy. Dancing is another one of those things that just stirs my soul. Dancing close with a friend, finding the steps together, finding a spiritual connection in the physical act of dance :) I thoroughly enjoyed the music and the people and the atmosphere. It was exactly as I imagined a good jazz club to be like. Low lights, swing band, female vocalist, dance floor. If I lived in Chicago, I would want to go there every weekend and be a regular. Oh, I wish I had a picture of the bouncer. That guy was CRAZY looking with a handlebar mustache and everything.

The next day was full of happiness and sorrow. Happy because Matt, Daniel, and I spent our afternoon at Navy Pier and all of its touristy wonders. Sorrow because I had to leave this beloved city and my wonderful friends. Now the wonderful thing about Matt and Daniel is that they are the sort of friends that aren't bothered by physical touch or find it awkward. We spent most of the afternoon with arms around shoulders or linked or just staying close because of the cold. That kind of physical affection is what I need to make me happy.

Good friends, good drinks, good times.

Chicago, I hope to see you again soon.

08 October 2008

smile through your fear and sorrow

Diana made a list of a few songs that never cease to put a smile on her face. I decided that was a nice idea, so I'm doing it too :) This list is in no particular order.

Jet Are You Gonna Be My Girl?
Joss Stone Girl They Won't Believe It
Frank Sinatra Fly Me to the Moon
Cold War Kids Hang Me Up to Dry
Moderatto Sentimettal
Ella Fitzgerald Dream
The Little Mermaid Les Poissons
David Crowder Band You Are My Joy
Josh Schroeder Love Is

my life

ironically funny