RIP Opera Project

After a long hard struggle, the Opera Project at CalArts has finally breathed its last. It went into a coma three months ago, when it was brutally beaten in a back alley by the School of Music. It awoke again, a week later, but it was never the same. It had trouble communicating. No one quite understood this new opera. Only a month later it was on its way home from the hospital when the School of Music struck again. This time, it wasn't so lucky. In a series of risky operations and intensive life support assistance, they were able to save it, although it never woke from its coma. Finally, after months of anguish, difficult conversations, and a variety of proposals, the family pulled the plug. The life support system was cut and the Opera Project is gone.

May it rest in peace.



(only...what am I going to do?)

broken and beautiful

This lovely little creature was on my car's hood today. It was lying on its side, its wings a little worse for wear. I helped it stand up with an index card I dug out of my glove box. Broken, but beautiful. A little bit like me.

I left it in a eucalyptus tree next to the parking lot before I drove away. I don't know how long it will stay alive. But that's the way life is. We're born, we die, we live somewhere in between. Spreading creativity and beauty as best we can.

discouragement

I am not sure what to say. I'm a little in shock.

I went to CalArts today to visit the campus. I met with one of the costume profs. I don't even know where to begin in describing how awful this was for me. First off, she asks me why I like theatre. Uuuuuhh, right. So I give her my answer, it's the creating something out of almost nothing and calling it "mine." Nope, not what she wants to hear. Why do I like theatre? WTF? I thought I gave a perfectly reasonable answer! So then she tears apart my portfolio - my figure drawing is flat, I don't know how to draw or create something that communicates well. She filled my head with so many criticisms that I sat there completely dumbfounded and unsure of how to answer any question with clarity. Then she goes off on how she wants to see more of my fine art, because she sees potential in my fine art drawings (that's good right?), but she thinks it's really bad that I don't have any training in figure drawing, and that I need to go home, draw every day for two hours, copy the masters, and come back with a better portfolio. She gave me back my portfolio and told me to do it over! I didn't get to talk about my designs at all. That's the stellar part of my portfolio though! When I tell you about my ideas and how they are shown in my drawings and the finished product, I can really wow ya, but...nothing. She didn't even want to hear about that, apparently.

I came out of that meeting feeling humiliated, stupid, ignorant, uneducated, inexperienced, and lacking anything in the way of "artistic."

This does not encourage me to continue with my applications. I do want to do costume design, but at the same time I want to be apart of something purposeful and more than just entertainment. It really doesn't help that I've been questioning lately whether this costume design thing is really what I want to do. I have to do art, I have to do theatre. I want to do more than just design clothes. I want to dance, I want to write, I want to act! Oh, how I want to act. I'm a liberal arts woman of theatre. I want to do it all.

In other news, I got drunk for the first time Saturday night. I'm never doing that again, that's for sure. And I'm not going to mix my own drinks unless I have someone/somebook that tells me the right formula.

chicago

Chicago is an amazing city filled with people and life! My desire to attend Northwestern University increased greatly after visiting the city, not because I was able to see the school but because I completely fell in love with the city. Whether I was by myself or with Matt and Daniel, I was having fun, discovering new things, enjoying all that the city had to offer. Rain or shine.


The art museum was very fun. It's large and contains much variety. Many exhibits were closed for renovation, but I still got the chance to see Nighthawks, Sunday in the Park, and American Gothic. Renoir was not on display, but there was one painting by Rosetti. I love art. There's something about the practice of something so diligent. Discovering new realities in a paintbrush and sharing them with people. A chisel mark here or there in a piece of rock can become something beautiful. Something that triggers ideas and emotions in your soul that you didn't know existed. Or maybe you knew they existed, but they only like to show themselves on special occasions.

Millenium Park is full of mystery and wonder. The sculpture make you look at the world differently. Fran Gehry masters the view, faces spout water, people take pictures. The rain came down that day, but it was beautiful. Rain can be quite beautiful. Light refracted through water droplets.

Adventure. An adventure has never ceased to be had in the great city of Chicago. Google Maps Transit helps. I found my hostel and checked in within half an hour with only Google and an address. Even though it was a little stressful, it was full of adventure and great fun.


The morning brought the Zoo. And with the Zoo was a tiger. You know, there are some moments in life where you feel more connected with the greater things, the meta-things, and watching that tiger was one of those moments for me. Strength, beauty, gentleness, mystery, magic, life. Tigers are beautiful creatures. They look like the same cats that stay indoors and nuzzle your neck and attack pieces of strings, but the sheer size difference is astounding.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a tiger handler. I had forgotten about that little piece of myself for years until that moment. I remember watching this show on TV when I was a kid about tiger handlers who raised little tiger kittens from the time they were born. And when they were grown, they were like best friends across species. They would run and play and tackle each other. I wanted to be that.

Matt and Katrina came to the city. We wandered and snarked and beached and drinked. The gorgeous views on a sunny day in Chicago from the Hancock Observatory's Signature Lounge. The couple making out on the shore of Lake Michigan. Trying on clothes at H&M. Then Jeff's apartment, Chicago-style pizza, a little bit of The Office, D-Ian at O'Hare, and the Green Mill.

The Green Mill Lounge. Started in 1907, it became Al Capone's territory in the 20's. Booze and jazz, hmmmm. I got the chance to dance with Jeff, Matt and Daniel, which made me incredibly happy. Dancing is another one of those things that just stirs my soul. Dancing close with a friend, finding the steps together, finding a spiritual connection in the physical act of dance :) I thoroughly enjoyed the music and the people and the atmosphere. It was exactly as I imagined a good jazz club to be like. Low lights, swing band, female vocalist, dance floor. If I lived in Chicago, I would want to go there every weekend and be a regular. Oh, I wish I had a picture of the bouncer. That guy was CRAZY looking with a handlebar mustache and everything.

The next day was full of happiness and sorrow. Happy because Matt, Daniel, and I spent our afternoon at Navy Pier and all of its touristy wonders. Sorrow because I had to leave this beloved city and my wonderful friends. Now the wonderful thing about Matt and Daniel is that they are the sort of friends that aren't bothered by physical touch or find it awkward. We spent most of the afternoon with arms around shoulders or linked or just staying close because of the cold. That kind of physical affection is what I need to make me happy.

Good friends, good drinks, good times.

Chicago, I hope to see you again soon.