31 July 2009


seriously, the past few days have not been going my way

26 July 2009

lion's mane

So frickin' ginger.
I told you I was restless.
But did you listen?
Now I've gone and changed it.
It's permanent.
And the roots will grow.
Then I'll be a Ginger with it's head in the dirt.

But the part that makes me smile (shhhhhhh it's a secret), is that I think this photo makes me look like I belong in a movie. Like the girl who gets kidnapped by King Kong or something.

Finger waves are next on the list for restless activities to fill this strange life of mine.

home is where'er you rest your rump

Two fabulous roommates and a spectacular house. That is the result of my trek to the Santa Clarita Valley. I also managed to forget my wallet at home. Travelling (albeit not a long distance, but still) with no money and no license makes me nervous.

Why am I so restless lately?

I planning to make a dress form soon. And I may do something radical with my appearance. Maybe it's part of this restless thing.

Stirring stirring stirring. I want to do this:

Have discovered the other Feist-y albums. Pure love.

I want to be feisty.

22 July 2009

these brief hours and weeks

105 sweat
giving up
broken shells
what are you made of?
proper kiss
youtube me
so many houses

i don't care, just pick one

20 July 2009

Young woman

Subtle curves and soft skin. The image of a goddess.
Is this it?

Or is it Imago Dei? BUT!
what is Imago Dei when Dei is
a Father,
a Son,
a Man...?

Which she is She?
Does she whisper from inside a box?
Or yell atop a soaped up one?
Or is she silent gaping back at birds atop her billboard?
Is she destined to the kitchen of Pygmalion and Paphos?

The box screams and tugs.
Does she stay strong?
Still heavenward we gaze.

The She of Me between the Thees is
not silent
nor still
nor subtle.

The only She of Me is mine.

I've been thinking about poetry a lot lately, especially since I've recently been exchanging some bits of verse with a friend. This bit is a reworking of a previous entry here. Everchanging and everflowing as gender naturally is, it will probably change again.

17 July 2009

vicariously victorious

I think I'm doomed to live vicariously through other people's lives.

After all, I'm going into theatre. And not only that, I'm going to be dressing actors. I won't really be on the stage myself. And theatre is about thrusting yourself into a story and feeling and living a story in order to understand something new about the world. Or, in many cases, to simply affirm one's own worldview. This happens quite often in musicals.

Another example may be seen in how I spent my day today: 1.5 episodes of "Green Wing" plus a film and a movie: Rachel Getting Married and Confessions of a Shopaholic. I will probably watch more "Green Wing" later on tonight. These sorts of activities are regular occurrences in my life in Redlands.

Green Wing is a British hospital comedy television show. It's like Scrubs, but 5x as many inappropriate sexual jokes, better witty jokes, and wackier characters. And loads of angsty tension between two main characters. Oh, it's wonderful. Go watch the first season on Hulu. Second season is on MySpace.

(my mood right now can best be described as a mixture between "Mad World" and "Both Sides Now." I find this slightly depressing)

16 July 2009

If I could move to Michigan, I probably would

I decided to listen to a podcast sermon from Rob Bell this morning. "Beware of the dogs" from October last year. Rob Bell is amazing, totally gifted by God. He is the pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

He talked about how humanity moves from a ego-centric understanding of the world into an ethno-centric, and hopefully into a world-centric view. And this is shown in Abraham; as Abraham is just a man who is blessed, who then in turn will bless his descendants, his tribe, who then will bless all the world, all the nations. And it's not just Abraham's calling. We are to move from ego to ethno to world-centric points of view.

And he talked about how he's talked to countless numbers of college students who when they leave their ethno-centric "tribes" of family and community and encounter a world much bigger than they ever knew, a Jesus much bigger than they ever knew and how they return to their tribe and all they get is nothing that they want or need. Criticism and scoffing for disrespecting the tribe. For "falling away" from the truth, when all they've done is seen that the Truth is so much bigger than the truth.

And there I am, caught in between these truths. Caught between loyalties to my tribe, to the world, and to myself. Rob Bell said something like: "how can they preach love and salvation to the world when they aren't even willing to have breakfast with the nations?"

It's not that I don't know who I am or who my God is after broadening my horizons, after learning at Westmont. I've often thought that was the case. Rather, it's that my tribe doesn't live in a world-centric view. As Christians, we are not here to bless each other all the time, we are here to bless the nations. In Love. Through Jesus.

My mom said to me last night when I was talking to her about making plans to move for school, that because not everyone at CalArts wouldn't be Christian that I should be really careful about trusting people. And it caught me offguard, because it's like, what have any Christians done to really make them more trustworthy than anyone else? I screw up all the time. I think about myself more than anyone else, and other people do the same. My roommate for the fall, she lists herself as an "atheist" on facebook. Why should this scare me? Why do we live lives of fear? We should live lives of Love!

And then I wonder "How?"
And then I just get confused.

08 July 2009

as usual, Ingrid knows what to say

All that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing...now.