04 January 2009

a new thought or two for the new year

I think I just realized a greater meaning for the picture displayed across the top of my blog. It's more than just a nice photo I took. It's the log in my eye. It's a reminder that I need to check myself over and over again.

I used to blog about meaningful things on LJ or xanga, it mostly came out though as vague allusions to a struggle with feeling lonely.

Sunday is Church Day. I think I go compulsively now, without much spirit or vigor. My light is gone, my emotion is not. Though I must admit, I'm becoming somewhat of an expert at pushing them deep down, not to be found.

Church this morning was a mix of frustration and hope. The frustration was the same and the hope was quickly diverted because, again, I've learn to push that emotion down. Hope. Prayer. Praise. Glory to God. Pride. How can one move beyond Pride and admit a weakness? How does one admit that one lacks the strength to handle living everyday? How does one trust a Church full of ungodly things?

Do I even known myself when I cannot see? Can we get rid of this log? Please?


  1. "paper bullets" is clever. I'm sorry i knew nothing of your blog until now. And the whole "log in your own eye" bit is genius. What a great image.

  2. um, thank you? "paper bullets of the brain" is a quote from Much Ado :)
    no need to apologize. I don't share this link that often anyway, since I didn't put it on fb.