27 April 2009


I worked for 12 hours straight today with small breaks here and there to write a couple of emails and eat something. Which means I've clocked in 14 hours of tutu construction. There is still 2-3 more hours of handsewing. All this for two performances.

But it'll be worth it. Because the Party People are going to look totally badass. Yes, you read that correctly. Badass in tutus.

25 April 2009

have you seen the way they kiss in the movies?

I went back to high school tonight. My old drama department was putting on Thoroughly Modern Millie, my favorite musical, and so I had to go!

Review: Muzzy, Ching Ho, and Mrs. Meers were GREAT! Millie, Mr. Graydon, and Dorothy were okay. Jimmy was awful, which is so sad because the OBC had Gavin Creel as Jimmy and his voice is pure honey. The set and lighting designs were awful beyond awful. Blocks and outlines of things painted on flats with no detail work at all. There were unnecessary light changes that were very distracting and it was too dark. Use darker lighting for intimate settings, not for a musical. And the designer was obsessed with using down light, which of course meant that the actors' faces were half in the dark. If you use down light, you have to supplement it or at least make it softer than your side lighting. The costumes looked like they came from the 60's not the 20's. (Note on fashion history: although the 20's are well known for hiking up the hemlines, in comparison to what we wear today, it was hardly shocking. Three inches below the knee to at the knee, that's it. So any of this above the knee action ain't gonna cut it.)
And if you're curious as to what Thoroughly Modern Millie is, watch their Tony performance. If you imagine the energy being at about half and the mics going in and out, that would be the performance I saw tonight.

On another note, I've decided that I am an alto. I've been parading as a soprano for those choirs I've joined and I took voice lessons as a soprano. But my real power comes from a lower range. Maybe I'm just not exercising my range well enough. This is another thing I can add to my list of "things Lynne wants to do if she could ever afford it." I want to take voice lessons again. I really enjoyed doing that senior year. Voice lessons and dance lessons.

I attempted to work on costumes for LMD today. I feel like I barely made a dent. There's so much to do for this show :sigh:

21 April 2009

trust and love and faith and glory and peace

There are many things that plague my thoughts recently.

1) I don't have enough money raised for my volunteering at Corrymeela. Which means out of pocket when I don't have any money to contribute.
2) Any leave of absence over 30 days from Barnes and Noble means termination. Which means if I want to have my job when I come back I have to reapply and they may find someone while I'm gone who they'll train and stay longer than me anyway.
3) Money for grad school. When do I not worry about that?
4) Trying to get the insurance company to approve more physical therapy sessions because I'm not getting better. And the doctor's restriction is 10 pounds and I'm still pushing around heavy carts and I was hurting pretty badly this morning after shelving.
5) They added a zoning shift for me on Monday, which means that I'm won't be in SB as long as I thought I might be able. Which is hard because it is easier to work when there is space. The computer/sewing room at home is crowded with crap and I don't have much table space to work.
6) An odd sort of conversation I had Sunday where I didn't feel like we were communicating well and therefore, unintentionally misrepresenting myself. And some things that I said that when said out loud instead of in my head did not seem to accurately represent my true thoughts and feelings.

But life is more than money and I've felt enslaved to it since survival often requires some acquisition of it.

But God says to lay my burdens at her feet. Faith like a child. And if there will be tears, then why not anoint his feet with them?

She is the God who is my Mother and my Father. She is the God that made the mind blowing expanse of the universe. Who lives outside of time and when he looks at my life, just says "yep."

18 April 2009

I know.

Han Solo is my movie crush. There are just so many things that I love about him. And he's just totally bad ass and that makes everything better.

Also, despite some of my feminist tendencies with a dash of bitterness, I'm still a complete sucker for a good love story, or even just a cheesy made for TV movie. I'm not sure that it's hope. Unless "hope" is another word for an ache that something better exists even when what I experience makes it seems impossible. The word "hope" usually indicates some kind of optimism and I don't think I have more than an eighth of a glass left.

15 April 2009

the things that make one's plan go array

white spots

As if I already didn't have enough wrong with me physically, I had to go and get tonsillitis. Praise God for the advancement of medicine and antibiotics.
I'm worried because calling out sick from work means not getting paid. My illness also gives me just two days in Santa Barbara instead of three. There's so much work to be done for this show.

I think that I got sick because I was stressed. Not really over the show, but more because I still need $300 to be able to go to Corrymeela. Because I still owe thousands upon thousands to Westmont. Because I will take out more loans for CalArts. Because this business with my sciatic pain isn't going away.

I've been praying the Daily Office recently. This one feels particularly applicable:
God of peace, who has taught us that in returning and rest we will be saved, in quietness and confidence will be our strength: By the might of your Spirit lift us, we pray, to your presence, where we may be still and know that you are God; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Here I am.

11 April 2009

little things that create smiles

This has to be my favorite rant EVER about weddings.

Go read it and if you don't laugh by the end, then I feel sorry for you.


Oh gosh, if I'm browsing through icanhazcheeseburger.com, I'm either incredibly bored or I'm procrastinating having to clean my bathroom.

09 April 2009

déesse f. noun

Thoughts, be careful.
Words, tread softly.

I know what's true yet fear creeps near
I question my culture
I question myself
I question my God


Is this what it means to be a woman? Soft skin, subtle curves, in the image of a goddess?
No, no, imago Dei.

What does femininity mean if it is simply a construct of society? What does it mean to be a woman? What kind of female identity finds rest or peace when made imago Dei and Dei is a Father, a Son, a Man?

Which she is She?
Does she whisper from inside a box?
Or yell atop a soaped up one?
Or is she silent gaping back at birds atop her billboard?

The She of Me between the Thees is
not silent
nor still
nor subtle.

The only She of Me is mine.

08 April 2009

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

"In Christ Alone"
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

As we reflect on this Easter weekend may your love, your death, your blood, your power be always in our hearts and our minds.
Thanks be to the Lord.

05 April 2009


I think I may have found the church I want to go to when I move this fall.

All Saints Charismatic Episcopal Church.


04 April 2009

what sanctity?

So Iowa...a decision to fire up the conservatives and joyfully light up the liberals.

I, like so many Americans and Christians, have thought much on this topic (at least I hope they've really thought). There's a couple things that I've noticed about this conflict. It's centered around two things: legal rights and labels. Poll after poll will show that the liberals will fight for gay marriage rights, the moderates are willing to grant civil unions, and the conservatives don't want either option.

First, legal rights. Personally, I feel like gay marriage in America should be legal in every state if all it comes down to is legal rights. Hospital visits, tax breaks, etc. Honestly, why would you deny someone hospital visits if they were in a committed relationship with someone for years and years? And what about all the foreigners who are willing to pay good money to marry Americans so they can get their papers and have our legal rights? Same difference. It's all just bureaucracy and working the system.

Then, there's the labels. If it's all about legal rights, then what does it matter if it's called a "civil union" or a "marriage?" That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. "Marriage" and "civil union" are simply just terms, signifiers really, if we want to deconstruct things, that indicate something else. If a marriage looks the same as a civil union on paper, then what is the real difference? What has our culture or our nature done to prove the sanctity of marriage over a civil union? There's the "oops! I'm pregnant!" marriage, there's the "OMG I LUV U SO MUCH" marriage that ends in divorce before they ever turn thirty, and of course, my favorite, is the "I'vefallenoutoflovewithyoueventhoughwe'vebeenmarriedfor25 years" shenanigan. If the divorce rate really is 50% and we (and by "we," I mean heterosexuals) really do treat marriage so flippantly (including the Christian community), then why do we fight to keep others from having something we don't appreciate, yet give lots of lip service too?

A wedding should be about coming together as a community, to celebrate life, to celebrate relationships. A marriage should be about commitment. The Christian liturgy for weddings says "til death do us part" for a reason. If you can't commit, don't get married. Marriage, real marriage, should be sanctified by the church, not the government. Not the legal system. If someone were to have the ceremony, say the vows, commit to one another, shouldn't that be enough? Why does the legal part make it official? Isn't God bigger than the Man? And, what did they do before the paperwork? Write their name in blood on a piece of wood? No, the community affirmed an agreement between two families and two people (I am not defending a system of arranged marriage or the buying and selling of daughters in that statement).

Getting married, to me, means coming before God and your community to declare a lifelong commitment of partnership and mean it. Being married means spending one's entire life living that out: commitment in selfless love. You could say that the "legal" thing is the part of coming before the community, but if I were to ask someone who their community is, they would answer with: my friends, my family, my colleagues, my church, not the State of California. Why do they say "By the power vested in me, by the State of California, I now pronounce you..." Shouldn't the people, not the state, and most especially God pronounce us to be in community with one another?

But as for religious beliefs. Here's what I say: take care of your widows and orphans. Take care of your single parents. Take care of those who are homeless. Take care of those who have nothing. Do that, and THEN you can argue with me on whether or not homosexuality is a sin. And I can think of a host of reasons why it's probably not.

If America is simply sitting on their arses, yelling at the politicians because they are worried about the sanctity of marriage, but they aren't doing anything to help the poor, then I think they are full of shit.

02 April 2009


When my heart is torn and my mind has melted and my spirit has dwindled, there is only one thing to do. Pray. Here is one that Jane Austen wrote:

Father of Heaven! whose goodness has brought us in safety to the close of this day, dispose our hearts in fervent prayer. Another day is now gone, and added to those, for which we were before accountable. Teach us Almighty Father, to consider this solemn truth, as we should do, that we may feel the importance of every day, and every hour as it passes, and earnestly strive to make a better use of what thy goodness may yet bestow on us, than we have done of the time past.

Give us grace to endeavour after a truly Christian spirit to seek to attain that temper of forbearance and patience of which our blessed Saviour has set us the highest example; and which, while it prepares us for the spiritual happiness of the life to come, will secure to us the best enjoyment of what this world can give. Incline us, oh God! to think humbly of ourselves, to be severe only in the examination of our own conduct, to consider our fellow-creatures with kindness, and to judge of all they say and do with that charity which we would desire from them ourselves.

We thank thee with all our hearts for every gracious dispensation, for all the blessings that have attended our lives, for every hour of safety, health and peace, of domestic comfort and innocent enjoyment. We feel that we have been blessed far beyond any thing that we have deserved; and though we cannot but pray for a continuance of all these mercies, we acknowledge our unworthiness of them and implore thee to pardon the presumption of our desires.

Keep us oh! Heavenly Father from evil this night. Bring us in safety to the beginning of another day and grant that we may rise again with every serious and religious feeling which now directs us.

May thy mercy be extended over all mankind, bringing the ignorant to the knowledge of thy truth, awakening the impenitent, touching the hardened. Look with compassion upon the afflicted of every condition, assuage the pangs of disease, comfort the broken in spirit.

More particularly do we pray for the safety and welfare of our own family and friends wheresoever dispersed, beseeching thee to avert from them all material and lasting evil of body or mind; and may we by the assistance of thy Holy Spirit so conduct ourselves on earth as to secure an eternity of happiness with each other in thy heavenly kingdom. Grant this most merciful Father, for the sake of our blessed Saviour.