Interruptions to the Creed series

And no, I don't mean Creed as in the 'can you take me higher' stuff.

I mean, this exploration of me trying to understand the Nicene Creed and my own current belief system.

This is an interruption in several ways.

1. I've been super busy and haven't had the time to write down my thoughts.
2. My personal down time from being busy has been consumed by reading lots and lots of interesting articles online (thanks facebook friends! :D ) that have actually been making me think about things in a completely different way. I'm wondering if it's even a worthwhile endeavor to go through the Creed, when I don't think that having the right 'belief' is the most important thing anymore. Here are a few of the articles I've thought are noteworthy, and you should take a look. I might try to go into more depth on what I think of them at a later time.

• John Shore: The only language you and God share
• Rebecca Trotter: Do you read scripture like a Pharisee or like Jesus?
• Interview with Karen Armstrong: Karen Armstrong on the 'The Bible'
• Frank Schaeffer: Why Evangelical Bible Idolatry Sucks and Why I Go to a Greek Orthodox Church Even Though It’s A Mess Too 
• John Shore: Grace: Everything's Gonna Be Alright 
• Fred Clark: The all-or-nothing lie of fundamentalist Christianity

3. I went a little crazy last night. Like delirious from being stressed. I had to go to the doctor without insurance and the last of my money only paid for half of it. Flabbergasted at generosity that I don't deserve. Getting lost on the way to work and being late because of the stupid doctor's office taking three frickin hours. Trying to balance wardrobe crises from both of my jobs, while not being able to be present for both. My car almost got towed. All of this on a less than stellar sleeping and eating pattern that I've barely maintained since August. Or maybe even since I started grad school.

So I went a little crazy. I yelled at God while driving home from set. I don't think I've ever yelled at God. I always assumed that it's something you Just. Don't. Do. Don't disrespect or anger the guy in the sky, because he might punish you for it. Just like how I've heard people say stuff like, 'don't ask God to soften your heart for such-and-such, because he just might give you what you want.' Yesterday was simply one of the most stress-filled days I've had in at least the last five years (which happens to include senior year at Westmont, an incredibly stressful time and nothing compared to my yesterday). I'm so tired of feeling the way I do. And the funny thing is, I felt better after yelling at God. It felt amazing to completely express the anger I feel toward God and the world. I have been so angry this past year because of how very 'not okay' everything is in my life and the world. Afterwards, I felt goofy and weird and free. I felt more like myself than I have in the past year. I was willing to just say anything and do anything. I didn't care if it was wrong or going to offend or make me look stupid. Because all the yelling and all the anger I let go at the guy in the sky meant there weren't any consequences because I probably pissed him off anyway.

Except for the fact that that very line of reasoning goes against everything I think I believe about God. It's a thought pattern that lives inside me and I can't shake it. I hate it with all the brain power I can muster. I feel like I've never known how to understand grace and forgiveness of God. All my life I've been told about the truth of it only to have them (usually pastors and their sermons) turn around and say that I'm not good enough, I don't deserve anything, you're a big fat ol sinner. Come to the cross, they say. Nail your sins to the cross. What about the sin of not loving yourself enough? Because I'd like to hear one.

4. I'm angry that I don't understand where or when my faith as I knew it up and left. I'm angry that I'm so lonely. I'm angry that 'being a Christian' has never helped that loneliness go away. I'm angry that the ritual of non-denominational church practice is paraded as the best way to discover God and I feel like I've never known 'him.' I'm angry that I don't know if God actually exists. I'm angry about how conservative Christian political right values pervades my existence despite my best efforts to run away from it. I'm angry at all the ways that I have felt shamed by the church for no effing good reason. I'm angry that 'freelance' means that I work 90 hours a week, seven days a week for less than minimum wage. I'm angry that beliefs I don't agree anymore with are ingrained into my consciousness that my knee-jerk reactions are things that I don't want. I'm angry that healthcare costs so much, with or without insurance. I'm angry that it's not feasible to take public transportation for my job because gasoline ruins both my budget and the environment. I'm angry at men like Todd Akin. I'm angry that this world doesn't treat women with more respect. I'm angry at the constant focus on sex. I'm angry that the church has an obsession with genitals rather than compassion for the poor and needy. I'm angry that I'm so busy trying to make enough money just to buy food that I don't actually take action on my beliefs about helping the poor and needy. It makes me feel guilty, even though I'm just trying to survive my own damn life.

I need love so badly.
Where is the redemption?

an experiment in belief

I have not posted on here in nearly a year. It's been over a year since I've written.
My, how things change.
My thoughts and beliefs have changed so much in this period of time that I feel the desire to write here again. To express things that are difficult to put into words. Because the fact of the matter is, I'm not sure that I'm really a Christian anymore, or that I know what that word means, or I even wonder if I ever truly was. I'm more inclined to think that I never actually knew what it meant rather than I never was or that I'm not. Rather, I am attempting to redefine who I am and what 'Christian' means to me. But more on this later.
This experiment is an exploration of my belief. Belief is something I question a lot these days (what does it mean, why does it matter, blah blah blah) and I had an idea that I might truly assess what I still believe and what I don't and what I question by going through the Nicene Creed, step by step, line by line, and see what happens. I will start this endeavor with my next post. Below is the text I will be using, which is the form I memorized when I attended All Saints By-the-Sea Episcopal.

And so, dear world, I jump back into the blog. Without knowing where I am headed, but with a good deal of hope for some clarity of mind and spirit.
I warn any who might read the posts to come that I'm not looking for an argument; this is for me. Comments from anyone, even those who disagree with me, are welcome. BUT I'm not looking to debate on the internet. Call me up and have coffee with me if you want to debate something.
------------------
We believe in one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is,
seen and unseen.
We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only Son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made,
of one Being with the Father;
through him all things were made.
For us and for our salvation
he came down from heaven,
was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary
and was made man.
For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.
We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son,
who with the Father and the Son is worshiped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets.
We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. Amen.

I hope it's gonna make you notice

But you can't see right through me. You probably can't see Me at all. Even radiation can't penetrate the walls around this heart. It's probably why I feel so lonely.

It's an x-ray pin up calendar. Which is pretty damn amazing.

Dear Internet Void,

How are you? I am doing well. I'm hoping you can answer a question for me: What is the "Real World" like? I've heard about it my entire life, but have yet to really understand where to find it. For example, when something disappointing happens, people will dryly say, "Welcome to the Real World." Or when people talk about graduating college, they talk about when they are "out in the Real World." Yet, despite an apparent assumption that there is an underlining universal understanding of the Real World, I have yet to encounter a satisfying description of it.

Most explanations of the Real World come from my extensive viewings of films, but I'm not sure if that is an accurate source for discovering the Real World. It is much more difficult to trust other people than what is often suggested on screen. I cannot identify with the Wealthy Successful Protagonist Who Is Handsome. Film cannot capture the depths of loneliness.

What I experience of life is so different from film and books, but what I know of life does not match this mythical idea of Real World. I often wonder why we make the decisions we do, especially when Time is fleeting, yet we spend most of our lives complaining about being either too busy or too bored.

If the Real World is mythical, and I have a certain view of the world, but ultimately I wish for the Real World to be like something else in order to exist in that kind of Real World, then where have I gotten myself to? Another illusion of reality?

With a year of graduate school come and gone, I wonder what life I hold in my hands? I was not the person I wanted to be. These walls around my heart kept me from reaching for the new, rather, I longed for the old things that are no longer mine.

I wish that the Real World could look a little bit more like Love.

Thanks friends, for making me feel normal again.
Then stop focusing on feeling so damn alone.
It's after three in the morning, so I should really just sleep.
Maybe it'll be better in the morning.
----------
4:36am
I can't seem to sleep though because there is this one thought that is bothering me. God is supposed to be able to do everything, but he can't physically hold me in his arms.

a poem for no one

The moon shines brightly on my head tonight.
I look out from my balcony into a valley I do not hold dear,
Because that notch I love is far and away.
Where there are waters and sands and hills.
The stars are the same, even if they illuminate less.

The stars are the is because they were, are, and continue to be and
Still were placed and named by the
Eternal Is, Was, Will Be who knows the secrets of the skies
We've only begun to know.

I've only begun to know
My heart and yours'.
There are years ahead of this precious Life gift.
The Gifts that throttle you back and forth
Are the Gifts worth getting.
Apparently.

What is this ever-present waiting sensation?
Where all [pronoun] do is say "Let's go"
But stay rooted to the shoes and the almost dead tree.
If I were stronger then I would let you go.
But I haven't found anyone that surpasses
the laughter and the philosophical escapades.

I remember Orion's journey across the sky.
From nine to one it tickled my insides.
On cold nights he wakes and every sighting
Searches what is left of this heart of mine.
We are so fragile.
Maybe one day, I'll let You in.

all that you wish to leave behind

I think my instability could possibly be measured in how I feel when I am not constantly surrounded by people or things to do. These moments alone frighten me. For I am scared of being alone.

If I could move to San Francisco
or Chicago
or London
tomorrow...
I would.


Thanks to everyone who made my spring break unbelievably fun and wonderful :D

You know, I made a joke in Love Me Dead about the song "Breaking Up is Hard to Do," but it really really is. Now that I have, my insides hurt. Like I'm going to cry or vomit or both. I thought I had prepared myself for this, but there is a feeling of grief and loss that is beginning to overwhelm me.
I've hurt like this before, and I know it will eventually pass, but it still sucks. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I'm not sure if it's the loss of feelings of attachment or the fear that I hurt him. Either way, I feel like shit.

I think I need to avoid facebook for a while, otherwise it will eat away at me to read those status updates.

all I ever wanted

photo credit

in the morning

This morning, I wake up.
I go downstairs to make a cup of tea with the song "I Only Have Eyes For You" stuck in my head. The incessant chords, the doo wop sound and the melancholy melody reflect my own state of mind.

I Listen to the outside world and the wind Howls. I look outside. The sky looks pissed. The wind talks back. Like in Ingrid's song.

"My bones are shifting in my skin
And you, my love, are gone"


What is it about the morning and just waking up that makes me acutely sensitive to emotions and/or a sixth sense? Like a place between dreaming and waking. And my mind works in overdrive in twisted repetitiveness of "what does it mean?"

Nothing, Gogo. It means nothing.

I feel

For fear of sounding incredibly emo, all I can say is...

I feel.



I feel a great many things.

haunted

That's the best word I can come up with for this...experience, this visceral reaction towards two films I've recently seen. One being (500) Days of Summer, the other, Revolutionary Road.

And what do I see?
A deathly look into what my future could be.
Why?


Well, first off, don't read this post if you don't want spoilers.

Revolutionary Road follows a married couple who see two different things when they envision at what their lives together could look like. "It takes courage to live the life you want," she says. She dies as she tries. She tries in the wrong way, but she certainly has the courage. Paris wasn't such a childish idea. It was heaven. It was original and different and lovely. RR is the story I'm scared of. It's the story that makes me run away and never ever want to touch that mystery known as marriage, because I see in film and in real life how it can tear your soul to pieces.

(500) Days recounts moments of a relationship between a young man and a young woman over the course of 500 days. The narrator tells us in the very beginning that it's not a love story, and it takes the entire 95 minutes of the film for me to believe this. I'm rooting for them and it all comes to nothing. Well, maybe just on his side. She says she found her fairy tale, even though she didn't believe they were real. But it leaves him in the dust, very misused.

They say that film is the new art form. They say that art reflects life. It's all an illusion really. Life is the everything and the nothing found on film. Rom-coms do nothing but increase the grandeur of the illusion, really. Yet sometimes I want them to make me believe in the lie. Because when these films, such as (500) Days and RR, come around that tout the same cynical perspective (that like Elizabeth though I profess it, it is not my own), I feel like something has died. Maybe if we just clap a little louder...?

I've come to the age where everyone around me is getting married and I think "Why? Why do you do this? Don't you know what you are getting yourself into?" Just this month, not even a full month, only 22 days, I have attended 1 wedding and have heard about 5 weddings and 3 engagements of people whom I know. Among those who are already married, I've heard about babies. Yet, I've heard stories of divorce that are just as rampant, however they are much more disturbing.

Yet, I envy them. I want a taste of that sweetness that has twice tempted my lips, but my story seems to end like Tom's: left in the dust.


I want so much more than the illusions brought to my door. I want so much more than a facade of celebration. I want so much more than they've got planned.

Oh, these paper bullets of the brain.

If I could move to Michigan, I probably would

I decided to listen to a podcast sermon from Rob Bell this morning. "Beware of the dogs" from October last year. Rob Bell is amazing, totally gifted by God. He is the pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

He talked about how humanity moves from a ego-centric understanding of the world into an ethno-centric, and hopefully into a world-centric view. And this is shown in Abraham; as Abraham is just a man who is blessed, who then in turn will bless his descendants, his tribe, who then will bless all the world, all the nations. And it's not just Abraham's calling. We are to move from ego to ethno to world-centric points of view.

And he talked about how he's talked to countless numbers of college students who when they leave their ethno-centric "tribes" of family and community and encounter a world much bigger than they ever knew, a Jesus much bigger than they ever knew and how they return to their tribe and all they get is nothing that they want or need. Criticism and scoffing for disrespecting the tribe. For "falling away" from the truth, when all they've done is seen that the Truth is so much bigger than the truth.

And there I am, caught in between these truths. Caught between loyalties to my tribe, to the world, and to myself. Rob Bell said something like: "how can they preach love and salvation to the world when they aren't even willing to have breakfast with the nations?"

It's not that I don't know who I am or who my God is after broadening my horizons, after learning at Westmont. I've often thought that was the case. Rather, it's that my tribe doesn't live in a world-centric view. As Christians, we are not here to bless each other all the time, we are here to bless the nations. In Love. Through Jesus.

My mom said to me last night when I was talking to her about making plans to move for school, that because not everyone at CalArts wouldn't be Christian that I should be really careful about trusting people. And it caught me offguard, because it's like, what have any Christians done to really make them more trustworthy than anyone else? I screw up all the time. I think about myself more than anyone else, and other people do the same. My roommate for the fall, she lists herself as an "atheist" on facebook. Why should this scare me? Why do we live lives of fear? We should live lives of Love!

And then I wonder "How?"
And then I just get confused.

we should all give more hugs

Are we ever content with where we are at, one moment in time?
What about being content vs striving for something better?
But if I'm feeling discontent, when do I ever strive for better? rather than wallow in discontent.

I don't want to be afraid anymore.

I want to be myself again.

It was there.
Just a flicker.
One week of Love Me Dead.
That was Me.

sigh

When my heart is torn and my mind has melted and my spirit has dwindled, there is only one thing to do. Pray. Here is one that Jane Austen wrote:

Father of Heaven! whose goodness has brought us in safety to the close of this day, dispose our hearts in fervent prayer. Another day is now gone, and added to those, for which we were before accountable. Teach us Almighty Father, to consider this solemn truth, as we should do, that we may feel the importance of every day, and every hour as it passes, and earnestly strive to make a better use of what thy goodness may yet bestow on us, than we have done of the time past.

Give us grace to endeavour after a truly Christian spirit to seek to attain that temper of forbearance and patience of which our blessed Saviour has set us the highest example; and which, while it prepares us for the spiritual happiness of the life to come, will secure to us the best enjoyment of what this world can give. Incline us, oh God! to think humbly of ourselves, to be severe only in the examination of our own conduct, to consider our fellow-creatures with kindness, and to judge of all they say and do with that charity which we would desire from them ourselves.

We thank thee with all our hearts for every gracious dispensation, for all the blessings that have attended our lives, for every hour of safety, health and peace, of domestic comfort and innocent enjoyment. We feel that we have been blessed far beyond any thing that we have deserved; and though we cannot but pray for a continuance of all these mercies, we acknowledge our unworthiness of them and implore thee to pardon the presumption of our desires.

Keep us oh! Heavenly Father from evil this night. Bring us in safety to the beginning of another day and grant that we may rise again with every serious and religious feeling which now directs us.

May thy mercy be extended over all mankind, bringing the ignorant to the knowledge of thy truth, awakening the impenitent, touching the hardened. Look with compassion upon the afflicted of every condition, assuage the pangs of disease, comfort the broken in spirit.

More particularly do we pray for the safety and welfare of our own family and friends wheresoever dispersed, beseeching thee to avert from them all material and lasting evil of body or mind; and may we by the assistance of thy Holy Spirit so conduct ourselves on earth as to secure an eternity of happiness with each other in thy heavenly kingdom. Grant this most merciful Father, for the sake of our blessed Saviour.

Love is all you need

Love, love, love. All you need is love.

I'm having trouble writing the opening monologue to Ace II in Love Me Dead. The opening monologue to Act I is all about love and Shakespeare and the multiplicity of it. How it's basically just everywhere. And I need an opener to Act II because it will help the flow of the play.

So I decided to read my journals from last year as research. I don't think I can read them anymore tonight. There's too much pain.

I feel like I have only really truly loved once in my life. And that is because I really loved him, not a love from afar, or an illusion. I knew him and I loved him. Like a river, calm, deep and peaceful. But I kept going in further til the current got too strong and pulled me under. If I hadn't been trying to stand in the middle on my own, I would've stayed upright. It seems my lot in life is to find myself in over my head without someone next to me, to hold to tight and we keep each other afloat.

The pain isn't about lost love, it's lost Lynne. Lost love I've dealt with, I've healed. But there was so much shit that I went through after it. I feel lost after so many months of not dealing with my shit because I didn't know how.

So here I am world. Bitter, jaded, and wholly pessimistic about the goodness of the human spirit. Guess what, dad? The rejection I feel from you won tonight.

So when James says: "I really don’t think you should spend time with her. She’s the kind of girl who manipulates others just for the fun of it. She’ll sink her claws into you if you let her. You don’t know how she can get inside your head." --I actually know someone who treated me like that.

And that's me when Roxy says: "Fine, walk away. That’s all men are good for. Running away when the pressure’s on."

And it's really Lynne when Phoebe says "It happens to every relationship. Someone doesn’t live up to the other’s expectations. You fight about stupid things til you can’t stand each other and you break up, leaving more wounded than when you started. "

Looks like I broke my promise. I thought this blog might be something more than just a venue for my emotional shit. I promised myself to write vague sounding poetry instead.

Poetry: 3
Emotional shit: 1

So I guess I'm winning, even though I broke it?

things that thither and thather through thoughts

I figure that if I don't get into grad school I have a couple of options open to me that I would really be just fine with on the short term level:
1) Transfer to another B&N in some awesome city like Chicago. I would need to keep my eyes open for a full time position b/c I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own otherwise.
2) Go into the Peace Corps. One of my coworkers is going to Uganda in a couple of weeks with the Peace Corps. What I have discovered from him is that they basically take care of you while you live and help people in another country, which sounds pretty fantastic to me. They will defer your loans, give you money so that way you don't have to stress out about coming back to America and trying to find a job, and if you serve two years they almost guarantee a job with the government.

Also, after a bit of internet searching, I've discovered that since I have a subsidized loan and it's in deferment, that I still won't have any accrued interest once my deferment ends. I feel so relieved knowing that I won't have to pay anything more than necessary once I'm finally able to pay back these loans.

I'm trying to find my way back to God. We haven't talked in a long time. My prayers have usually been along the lines of "Oh God, why do I hurt this much?" lately. Something that I've learned about myself over the years is how much music really affects my soul. I've been listening to David Crowder on repeat on iTunes in the hopes that maybe those worshipful prayers can turn into my own prayers for healing. I don't have the patience for such a slow process, but that in and of itself ends up being a good lesson.

a new thought or two for the new year

I think I just realized a greater meaning for the picture displayed across the top of my blog. It's more than just a nice photo I took. It's the log in my eye. It's a reminder that I need to check myself over and over again.

I used to blog about meaningful things on LJ or xanga, it mostly came out though as vague allusions to a struggle with feeling lonely.

Sunday is Church Day. I think I go compulsively now, without much spirit or vigor. My light is gone, my emotion is not. Though I must admit, I'm becoming somewhat of an expert at pushing them deep down, not to be found.

Church this morning was a mix of frustration and hope. The frustration was the same and the hope was quickly diverted because, again, I've learn to push that emotion down. Hope. Prayer. Praise. Glory to God. Pride. How can one move beyond Pride and admit a weakness? How does one admit that one lacks the strength to handle living everyday? How does one trust a Church full of ungodly things?

Do I even known myself when I cannot see? Can we get rid of this log? Please?

moving forward or returning to the old?

Confession: I've been masquerading for quite some time now. As much as I've tried to deny it, I am a complete hopeless romantic.

As much as I've had to say against the institution of marriage, as much as I point out gender politics in pretty much every situation I see, as much as I've told people that I don't hope for marriage because who can even predict what the future is, I'm a hopeless romantic.

The thing I want most in life is to be loved. I've come to terms with this instead of fighting it. The thing that helped me come to terms with this was, ironically, a personality typing system known as an Enneagram. It had this list of things like best characteristics, worst characteristics, what the type wants in life, etc. It said my greatest desire in life was to be loved. It took some thinking, but I have to admit it's true. I base almost all of my decisions on the people around me or ones that I hope to keep near me.

This summer one of my friends pointed out to me that if I am ever misinterpreted as "intimidating" by men it is because I have a "poise" and a "formalism" to my behavior. I've also gained a nickname-like description of "fierce" by another one of my friends as in the definition by UrbanDictionay.com of "being bold, displaying chutzpah, especially relating to fashion, clothes, hair or makeup."

Such assessments, especially the one about poise and formality, have stuck with me. I don't think they are necessarily faults, but what catches me is that it's helpful to explain why I have the relationships I do.

And then there's always the situation with my dad. Any contact with him has the chance to throw my ideas and emotions around like getting tossed on the sea in a hurricane. My emotions have a tendency to be rather violent. When I say "violent," I mean in the old school definition of being very strong and passionate, not in the dangerous sense of the word. Though I suppose they can be dangerous to my own peace of mind. My constant struggle is wanting to give in to my emotions and let them out and show the world who I truly am. But, that would make things incredibly awkward for other people. So I don't. They stir and brew until they simmer down or until they boil over, ready to explode.

The most dangerous part is when the emotions give way to thoughts that use the words:
"I wish..."
"If only...."

to love with Christ's love

I spent this last weekend with my father. It was difficult to say the least. I'm not sure how to process it because it's so complicated. Maybe blogging and explaining some logic to my emotions may help? Maybe? Here goes.

My dad divorced my mother. I don't like him much for splitting up my family. I think that I also have a lot of issues now with trusting anyone of the male sex because my father is such a bad example.

Now this last weekend was all about him trying. Trying to mend. Trying to spend time with his daughter. A reluctant daughter. I wonder, then, where was he trying to spend time with me when I was a girl? If he worked the night shift so he could be home with my sister and I after school, then why did he spend all his afternoons watching TV? Why did he give me more hugs? Why did I hide myself (my inner self) from him because I was scared he'd be angry at what he found?

Why, now, after the divorce, did he suddenly decide he's not going to own a TV? Why does he think he can hug me now? Why, when I show him my true self, is it met with silence? It's like he's trying to make up for lost time, but it's - to use a cliche - too little, too late. He doesn't know me. Did he ever know me?

After this weekend, I just don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him, I don't want a relationship. We had a conversation/arguement Friday evening about God and religion and spent the rest of the weekend making small talk with about 80% silence. Usually when I debate things, I'm able to understand someone else's side even though I may not completely agree with them. I couldn't find a balance or compromise with him because I felt that his opinions were based on bad logic and ignorance. How can I respect that? How can I respect someone who has cause so much hurt, not just for me, but for my mom and sister? I've decided that I just don't like him as a person. His personality is completely opposite of mine and we don't share anything in common. If he was a random person I met, I would never choose to be his friend.

My question is: how do I love him with the love of Christ and not spend time with him? How can you agape love someone you don't like? Especially when this person is a blood relation?

Spending a weekend with him made me miss my friends like crazy. Those special people who I'm able to be myself entirely, without judgment, with love. Some are in England, some are going to England, others are CPAing the world. My adventures will begin soon.

Oh God,
"Give us grace to endeavour after a truly Christian Spirit to seek to attain that temper of forbearance and patience which our blessed Saviour has set us the highest example; and which while it prepares us for the spiritual happiness of the life to come, will secure to us the best enjoyment of what this world can give!
Incline us, oh God! to think humbly of ourselves, to be severe only in the examination of our own conduct, to consider our fellow-creatures with kindness, and to judge of all they say and do with that Charity which we would desire from them ourselves."
Jane Austen